Me? a parent?

This post was inspired by a youtube video i watched ages ago, i can’t remember the name of the youtuber but if i find the video again i’ll credit her.

So this post is about having kids…or not!

The reasons i thought i would touch on this subject:

  1. It goes hand in hand with another topic i would like to discuss in another post later.
  2. There is still a huge stigma that revolves around women that choose to live childfree and i feel it’s something that should be addressed.
  3. I feel the subject is important to me as i feel i may become part of those women that chose to live childfree.

 

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Now first off let me just state for the record that i do not hate kids or anything like that!!! I have a godson and i am his number one fan however i am just not a maternal person. I have never at any point in my life felt that i would be a ‘mum’ or even thought about kids. It’s just the bog standard society progression thing isn’t it though? leave school, get job, get married, have kids…etc etc It’s like it is ingrained into you that you have to have kids.

My best mate has just recently had a baby herself (my godson) she is a few years younger than me and i know she will be an amazing mum. That got me thinking that as i am in my thirties (33) i am way passed the normal age for women to start having kids (i am probably not wording this correctly, i am not saying i am over the hill or anything like that just that a lot of women i know have already started their families, you know?)

A few of the girls i went to school with have kids of their own, in fact they have even started school themselves! One of the mums, her son has started high school! WTF???

I genuinely believe that i am going through a midlife crisis…one that started at 28…and has just not stopped!!! My ‘problem’ if you want to call it that is, i am (by nature) a young person, my soul, my heart, everything about me lives and breathes youth. By the time i am 60 i will still look at myself and believe i am young, i want to stay young as i love everything about it, i have nothing against ‘growing up’ it’s growing old that’s the problem.

So age wise aside what else is there? Ah yes lets make a list as lists are awesome!

  1. Having kids changes your life – I am going to be brutally honest here and i make no apologies for this. I am selfish. That’s it right there, i have my life the way i like it, i have a potential dream job coming soon, my hobbies include all sorts of awesome stuff such as Martial Arts, travelling, Munro bagging, plus others. If i were to have kids i would have to factor a few important things in: I can’t dedicate all my time to all the things that i want now, if i want to do my own thing then i would have to consider babysitters etc.You no longer live for yourself, you live for that little human being running around.
  2. Finances – Kiss them goodbye, all the stuff you spend money on now? (going out, your hobbies, passions etc) well that money is going to be used for kid stuff now! I am in that sort of average category with regard to finances, i am not poor by any means but also i am not loaded either!!!
  3. Maternal instinct – This…i have none of! Whilst the sight of a cute little baby is enough to raise a smile from me, it’s not enough to make me ‘broody’ or want to have one of my own. Worth mentioning that not everyone on earth is cut out to be a parent!
  4. Fear of pregnancy – Nuff said!

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Then there are the usual cliched sayings, these are the things that folk/friends/family will say to you (normally not meant in a bad way but still comes across quite patronising by accident)…

‘You’ll change your mind in a few years’ – Possibly…i’m not going to stand here and claim that i can foresee the future by any means, but what i do know is what i know NOW. I know that i wasn’t ready in my twenties and i am now in my early thirties and still do not feel ready. Will i be ready in my late thirties/forties? That i do not know yet!

‘You’ll change your mind when you see all your friends settling down and having kids’ –  Well i’m in my thirties, most (but not all!) of my school friends have settled down and have kids, my best mate now has a child…i still feel nothing! So that’s this argument invalid.

‘Wont you regret not having kids?’I have no idea!!! Like i said before i cannot tell the future, i only know what i know now and that is…i like my life as it is now, i don’t feel ready to be a mum yet, kids are not even on my list of priorities right now.

‘Don’t your parents want grandkids?’ – Yeah i imagine they would like grandchildren however i am not going to force a sprog out just to keep them happy. Thankfully my parents are more understanding and accepting than a lot of other parents. I know my mum and dad would love to have grandchildren to fuss over but i also know they would rather i lived my life how i want to live it and i should do whatever makes ME happy.

‘Wont you feel lonely?’I am an introvert by nature so i actually enjoy my own company. I would like to think that when i am older i will still be participating in all the hobbies and things i do now so i’ll always be in contact with friends and family. It’s also worth bearing in mind that even if i was to have children who’s to say that i wouldn’t still be alone? My potential future kids may decide to move to another part of the country or immigrate to the other side of the world…Hell they may even not want to keep in touch with their old ma and dad that often. So you see having kids doesn’t mean that they are always going to be around.

‘Who’s going to look after you when you are old?’ – Erm, well as long as i haven’t suffered any major health fuck ups in my later life then i would have to say…me! i will be looking after myself. Plus you don’t have children just so you have someone to look after you in old age, that’s a fucking ridiculous (and selfish) reason to have kids.

There are many more cliched sayings but you get the gist of it!

So what am i trying to say?

Well, i don’t know what the future holds for me.

I am 33 right now and i still feel no gravitational pull towards the parental side of life.

What if i meet someone in the future that wants kids? Well if i was to meet someone and i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with them, they were the one etc etc Then i would have to wait until that time happened, it would have to be an extraordinary person to make me want to go through all of that…

One thing i do believe is that women that choose to live childfree should not be judged and should be left alone to live how they want.

 

Portrait of Expressive baby

Right, time for a brew!

 

 

 

How’s your year been?

Hey folks,

Hope you all had a cracking New Year!

I see that a lot of folk are glad to see the back of 2016, apparently it’s been like ‘Game of Thrones’ with all the celebrity/famous deaths. I was completely devastated my Alan Rickman and David Bowie’s passing as they were my two favourite actors (i know David was a musician but i was never into his main music, i just loved his spell as the Goblin King! Yes i’m a Labyrinth fan leave me alone!). Then with Carrie Fisher passing just a few days ago well it seems 2016 was determined to take as many awesome folk away as possible 😦

However, as much as i loved Alan Rickman, be it as Metatron in Dogma, Snape in HP films,  Diehard, Galaxy Quest, etc and David Bowie in Labyrinth, i can accept death as a natural progression of life, it just sucked that it had to be in the same year!

So whilst 2016 was a bad year for a lot of folk, i have to reflect back on MY year and i have to say, it’s actually been a pretty awesome year for me!

To begin with, i saw the dawn of 2016 in what i can only describe as the most magical and incredible place on Earth, Antarctica! What a way to see in the New Year, onboard a ship surrounded by icebergs, penguins, snow, glaciers and to top it off some really cool people!

So 2016 started off good, i was deployed right through till April and in that time i travelled to New Zealand, South America and the Falklands, all fantastic experiences i can’t be more thankful for.

Returned to the UK in April, spent the last few months in Portsmouth, said goodbye to folk i had worked with for several years, was sad but excited for new things to begin.

Moved back up to Scotland, spent my birthday climbing Ben Nevis which was amazing!

In September i left the Navy after 13 years, strange mix of emotions form sad to excitement, as much as i loved the Navy (and still do!) it’s always good to move on, change, evolve yourself and try new things whilst you are still young enough to do so.

Now it is December, whilst i am living at home with the parents just now it’s not so bad, it allows me to save up all my money for a house i will definitely be getting in 2017, i have a job starting in January as well as my math course.

I also became a Godmother a few days ago! My best mate from the Navy asked me ages ago to be godmum to her son and of course how could i refuse an awesome request like that?

So all in all, 2016 wasn’t actually that a bad a year for me, my life has changed MASSIVELY!

My career, where i live and my new Godson, everything in my life has been changed in a way this year, the only thing that hasn’t changed…

My love for a good brew!

 

 

Catch up and wisdom

Hey folks,

Apologies for being a bit lax with the posts recently, it’s been quite a busy end of the year i’ll tell you!

As most of you will know i left the Navy in September so i’ve had quite a few things to do since then.

First off i applied for my ideal job (Ambulance Technician) as soon as i left the Navy but found out recently that i have to improve my Math grade before i can continue, forcing me  to look for a course at the local college which i will be enrolling for in January…great… :-/

Luckily the course is distance learning meaning i can study at home and i would only be required to pop into college once in a while to sit an exam when needed. This is perfect as it will allow me to work full time whilst getting this grade sorted out!

Speaking of work…i had one of those random moments a month or so ago whilst trawling through the local job website. I had spent countless evenings looking through all the normal ‘easy to apply for/minimum wage/less technical’ jobs, just to see if there was anything job i could do temporarily till i was able to go for the ambulance service again.

So i came across this advert for a clinical photographer in the local hospital and it sounded ok, the main bonus to it was the wages! They were actually pretty descent! The only real issue was the entry requirements…you needed to have a university level photography qualification…bugger! Now my phot qualification i got through the Navy is equivalent to a university photography degree, the only thing is that it is not an ‘actual’ university degree.

As you can imagine my heart slumped massively reading through this advert, i had already began getting excited and planning on responding to the advert so having read the entry requirements i thought ‘what’s the point? they wont be interested as soon as they see i’ve never been to university 😦

However i had a massive ‘ah fuck it why not?’ moment and went ahead and applied anyway.

I got offered an interview…i near shit myself when i read the email!

So i got dressed up in my Sunday best and went long for my interview. Sat outside the office waiting my turn, i knew they were interviewing others as well and that i was maybe the third person in. The guy that was being interviewed before me came out of the office at the end, he had a suit on…bugger he looked way too professional, like he knew what the hell he was doing.

Then my turn.

It went well, the two folk interviewing me were really nice, asked loads of questions, nothing i couldn’t handle. Got shown photographs of the types of stuff i’ll be expected to do, easy! They asked if i had a portfolio that i wanted them to see…bugger i hadn’t thought of bringing one! Yup i know what you’re thinking ‘you went to a photography job interview without a portfolio? dumbass!’ but hear me out, there was no requirement to bring one also i thought that as i had no medical type stuff or anything relevant to the job to show them then i didn’t think it would be worth it, why would a hospital photographer want to see my awesome landscape shots or my amazing penguin?

So end of interview, everything seemed good, i felt really positive walking out, even gave a little smile to the next woman waiting to get interviewed…she looked like she was shitting herself haha!

I went home knowing that they probably had several more (highly qualified) people to interview that day, but i felt confident!

Moral of the story:

If anyone should ever tell you not to do something or not to apply for anything because you’re not good enough/not qualified enough/out of your league/there are better people out there, then completely ignore them! because later that afternoon i had a phone call from one of the interviewers offering me the job!

The only person that would have stopped me getting that job in the first place would have been my own worst enemy – myself.

So if i can impart any real wisdom to you kind folks it’s this…

Never doubt yourself, aim high, never settle for anything less and if it doesn’t work out? Pick yourself up and try again! Then keep going until you get what you want.

Now, i’m going to pick myself up too, to take myself off to the kitchen and make a fresh brew!

 

 

It’s all foreign to me…

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Hello, ola, bonjour, hei! and all sorts of other foreigny goodness!

Been a while since my last post and for a very good reason too…

A few days ago i made the decision to attempt to complete something i have always wanted to do…learn another language!

Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, i am a British person attempting to learn a foreign language, a native English speaker choosing not to always rely on a Foreign person knowing English.

A bit of background first though:

When i first went to High School, (this is how it was done at my school, not sure about other schools around the UK) all the kids that were in my year group, were split into two groups, you had no choice what group you were put in, you were just told your class and given your timetable. 50 % were taught German and the other 50 % French. I believe this was so that different classes could be scheduled so there were no clashes on timetables.

 

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I was in the group that was to be taught French and you know what? i was actually alright at it too! I didn’t have the top grade or the worst grade, i was nice and comfortable in the middle being able to hold a bit of a conversation as well as read and write, so all in all i done quite well in French. Could i have done better? Yes absolutely, whilst i did study and got an acceptable grade for my 4 year French class, i know that i probably could have pushed for a little bit more which would have given me a better grade (just the next one up from mine) which would have allowed access to the further 2 year Higher course which you do in the last 2 years of school.

But…and this is where silly teenage Nicky rears her ugly head…

I chose to centre my entire universe around what grades i needed for joining the Navy straight after school. Now i know what you are thinking ‘but Nicky, surely in the Navy you will visit places like France where knowing the language would be very useful indeed?’

Well…you are correct!

In my infinite wisdom (at age 15/16) i decided that i was going to concentrate more on the grades i though would be more beneficial for joining the Navy, so subjects such as Maths, English and Physical Education whilst i let French and a few others fall by the way side. My whole attitude at school was ‘who cares? i’m joining the Navy so wont need half of these subjects’. 

In fact i’m embarrassed to admit that i may have used that ridiculous line a lot of kids have used ‘i’ll probably never go to France anyway so why should i learn it?’

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Yep the stupid was strong in this one i tell you!

So i spent 13 years in the Navy travelling to all these amazing exotic locations and you know what? I did go to France…several times! Along with several West African countries that speak French (i had no idea!), oh how i wished i was fluent so that i could talk to the locals and make sense of restaurant menus, plus there is this strange feeling of being a part of an elite club that knows what everyone is talking about whilst your friends don’t have a clue.

Back to the present!

So i can’t really remember what happened the other day to spark this fire in me to begin learning again, just that once i got started i was hooked and have been spending several hours every night on Doulingo and Memrise learning and testing myself. If you are considering learning a new language then i highly recommend these 2 websites!

Ah but i haven’t went back to learning French (not yet anyway), i  decided to start fresh with Norwegian. The reason being, i wanted a new language that i felt would hold my interest in the long run (i love Norway and would move there in a heartbeat) as well as an ‘easyish’ language to begin with. (Norwegian is considered relatively easy enough for English speakers to achieve along with French, German, Spanish etc). Another benefit to learning Norwegian is that it provides a good foundation and stepping stone to the other Scandinavian languages (Sweden and Danish) as the 3 are quite similar.

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I am debating wether or not to study French casually alongside my main study of Norwegian. I still remember a lot from my French classes that i reckon i would be able to pick it back up in no time at all. I started watching language videos on youtube and there was one from Babbel a language website that had a guy who could have a conversation whist switching between several different languages! It was pretty bloody amazing!!!

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I feel like i have a new thirst for learning languages now which is strange because i’ve never been too fussed about it till now, it’s strange when you realise something new about yourself when you thought you knew everything about what makes you tick. Life has a way of making you surprise yourself sometimes.

So my plan is, by this time next year i will be able to speak confidently, read and write in Norwegian and hopefully if i feel comfortable enough have started on a second language (possibly French but toying with Danish or Swedish, French would be a sensible idea though).

I get the feeling that i will always be learning something throughout the rest of my life, i will always want to learn something new, it could be a new strange hobby that my ‘adult’ self has decided to explore and you know what? that’s fine by me!

 

Av for en te…

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My 3

So for this post i thought i would give you an insight into what makes me…me!

With a list of my top 3 anythings, hopefully this will let you get to know me better and what makes me tick, enjoy 🙂

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Top 3 things little Nic wanted to be when she grew up:

  1. Book writer (i was too young to know that the proper title was author haha) – I loved the idea of making stories and drawing the pictures in the books. I actually still love that idea.
  2. Athlete – I grew up watching my dad compete in marathons and other running events, (he was good!) so i always thought i could follow his footsteps into the World of sports (i didn’t! haha) i can run but nowhere near his level.
  3. Something to do with Dinosaurs – I like to believe that (most?) little kids had some sort of fascination with dinosaurs like i did. Once again i was too young to know the proper name for it but i wanted to do something that involved digging up and learning about the Dinos. I actually still love Dinosaurs to this day, Triceratops is my favourite! 🙂

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Top 3 places i have travelled to:

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  1. Antarctica – What more needs to said about the greatest continent on Earth? Not only did i get to visit all three of the important Huts (Shackleton’s main hut, Discovery Hut and Scott’s Hut) but i actually got to go inside them. I got to see the Ross ice shelf, visited Rothera and McMurdo research bases (plus a whole load of other foreign ones), i got to not only visit Deception Island but a small team of us got to camp out overnight with the leopard seals all around our camp. Once the sun actually went down and the sky cleared we could look up and see the milky way so clearly, it truly was one of those once in a lifetime moments when you realise just how small we really are in this universe of ours. I know i’ve rambled on quite a bit about Antarctica but i can honestly say, hand on heart that it has forever cemented itself a place in my heart and soul as my favourite place on Earth, it’s not just about the scenery, (although it is incredible!) it’s also the magic of the epic tales of true courage and survival by the likes of Shackleton and Scott’s teams back in the olden days of pure and dangerous exploration.
  2. New York –  A place my folks and i have loved for years, my mum mainly because she watched ‘Home Alone 2 Lost in New York’ too many times! I love the way the City is just constantly on the go, the history especially Ellis Island (You will find that i am a true geeky tourist at heart!) I love going around a new City and exploring museums, churches, parks, anything and everything! I believe that if you are gonna spend all that time and money traveling somewhere then you should make it worthwhile and learn the history of that place, learn about the people, make the most of every opportunity you can get!
  3. New Zealand – Now this one is important for a very special reason. New Zealand is one of those places that i had never had any real interest in visiting! Yep that’s right, everyone has those places that they’re not fussed about going and for me it was the land of the Kiwis. I never had any real reason for not wanting to go, it wasn’t that i didn’t want to go it was just i did not have any interest in the place. Well, as it turns out…i bloody love it! I went there with the Navy on the same trip that took me to Antarctica, we had to go there as it was a planned stop after a month or so down the ice so i thought ‘meh, it’s free  and it’s another tick off the list so i’m not complaining’. When the ship first arrived in Lyttleton port we were given a traditional Maori welcome, a Powhiri from some of the local folk. After that i just did my usual delve right into the local culture and exploration of the surrounding area as well as travelling to Christchurch and i gotta say they are some of the friendliest people i have ever met! I learned a lot about Maori culture as well as Christchurch’s history and how they have rebuilt themselves after the earthquake, much respect to them for how they have rebuilt their city.

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Top 3 Fears:

  1. Death – Yep i know a lot of you are thinking ‘There’s nothing you can do to stop it so why worry?’ or ‘It’s just a natural process of life’ or possible even ‘When you’re dead you’re dead, you can’t feel anything and you wont know you’re dead because you have ceased to exist’. Yes, i have heard all of these things and yes i know it is just the natural order of life, we’re born, we live and we die and that is how it has been since time immemorial, however! That does not mean i have to like it! I guess it’s the whole not knowing what happens when we die that scares me, i hope that it’s not just a simple case of ‘cease to exist’ and become nothing as the thought of that seems almost too much to comprehend. I’d like to believe our souls carry on to another place, for the record i do not believe in God, but i do believe that this ‘thing’ we call a soul must be more powerful than to simply die when our meaty shells are withered and gone.
  2. Losing my loved ones – I suppose this ties in with my number 1 fear. I guess this is also something that most folk would rate as a top fear, losing a parent, child, sibling, friend, partner etc Quite morbid i know but this is the sort of stuff i dread.
  3. Spiders – They are just c**ts!

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Top 3 wishes:

  1. Immortality – Partly due to fear #1 but also due to the fact that i am genuinely interested in how civilisation as a whole will evolve and change in the future. What technology will mankind create? How far into space will we travel? Will we ever inhabit other planets? Will we ever meet or find true unprecedented evidence of life out there in space? These are all questions i would love to know the answer to. If i was immortal i would also be able to travel every inch of this planet and see everything i had ever wanted to see, experience everything i had ever wanted to experience, learn new things, meet new cultures, there is just so much to see and do on our small planet but just never enough time.man-spirit1
  2. That all my friends and family lived in the same place – I live in Scotland but due to my time in the Navy, i made friends from all over the UK. My best mate lives down in Cornwall (South West England) along with several other very good friends, i have buddies in London from when i was based there in 2009, friends in Portsmouth where i served for several years (some navy some civilian) and all the rest scattered all over the country. When i left the Navy i decided to return to my home town as i wanted to be closer to my family, the only downside to this is that i am so far away from all my friends i made over the last 13 years that i have to make plans to travel to go see them when i can. A simple pop down the road and around the corner to visit and have a brew is just not possible.
  3. To go back in time to when i started school – This might seem strange, why would i want to go back and do school all over again? Well i suppose it’s because i know it would be completely different. I would love to go back as a kid just starting school with all the knowledge and hindsight that my life experience has given me so far. I don’t believe it would alter my career choices at all, i would still have joined the Navy etc but i know that my attitude would be different. All through school i was an incredibly shy kid that never spoke up for myself and at high school got picked on because i never stood up for myself. My grades weren’t bad per se but i know i could have done so much better! So if i ever got the chance to go back i would throw myself into my studies and get the grades i know i’m capable of, i would talk back, take less of the crap and probably knock out the folk that tried to pick on me (this is the Navy side of me coming out!) I would have just worried less about the stupid trivial crap that teenagers worry about at school and just concentrated on my studies and exams. But hey, hindsight is after all…a wonderful thing!

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To be continued – My 3 part 2!

Off for a brew…

 

11:00 11/11

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They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

From Laurence Binyon’s poem For the Fallen, written in September 1914

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So i’ll probably not get a chance to post this tomorrow morning so decided earlier was better than later.

Regardless of whatever political beliefs you hold or your feelings on war itself, please take a moment during your busy day to think and reflect on all those that did not make it back home and those loved ones that were left behind to grieve.

Tomorrow whilst going about my business, i will be wearing this (and my poppy) with pride, if i can get Red to let go of it!!!

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Off for a brew…

Things have changed a bit…

Today’s post is sponsored by my good buddy travelling minion who i got in Dubai and is currently smashing in my brew…

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So my thoughts today are centred around a discussion i was reading earlier on a student forum. If anyone is interested in the website then let me know!

I had posted a thread asking advice about re-doing my maths (see previous post!) and whilst i was waiting for a reply i thought i’d take a little nosey through the rest of the forum. First off i have to say it is quite a useful and informative forum, what with various threads ranging from everything from specific school/college/university courses, grades, employment ideas to family, friends, health and fitness, relationship, sexual health and a myriad of other different topics of conversation. All very useful indeed, pity we didn’t have this when i was at school!

So the thing that caught my eye was…a poster (high school i believe) mentioned something along the lines of doing homework about a certain subject but having problems with a specific question and they had no idea around this. A few folk commented with answers/explanations, use google etc but then someone else then suggested ‘just send your teacher a message on facebook or a text’…

‘Message your teacher on facebook or send a text?’

What the actual Faaaaargh???

HOLD UP,BACK UP A SECOND, REVERSE, WHAT THE DEUCE?

Right folks i know a lot of stuff has changed since i left the hallowed halls of my high school but am i reading this correctly?

I then further perused the forum and found that nowadays it’s appears normal to have a teachers email, mobile number or even as a ‘friend’ on FaceBook.

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I just don’t understand this, since when did this become normal? Yes i am aware that a lot of today’s high school kids have grown up with social media as a staple in their life but seriously why would you add your teacher on facebook or even have their number?

I know social media has taken over a lot of our lives but i genuinely believe there should still remain certain boundaries between students and teachers. A lot of folk were saying they had their teachers contact details incase they had problems with the subject or didn’t understand something in class etc

I’m sitting here thinking ‘Well if you are struggling with something in the class then wouldn’t it be best to ask your teacher for help right then and there? Seriously if i was a teacher i would be pissed off if one of my students messaged me out of hours, i know teachers put a lot of time in on evenings and weekends to mark and prepare for their classes so i would have thought that ‘home’ time for them would be pretty damn precious. Also if you are having personal problems that you don’t want others to know about then wait till after class and talk to your teacher in confidence, it’s not that difficult.

Another thing worth noting is that if you have access to social media then you obviously have access to other wonderful sources of information: Google, YouTube etc etc There is also the possibility of messaging your friends or even asking members of your family.

Now chances are there may be one or two of you reading this that disagree with me or even  are/were a student that had a teacher as a friend on Facebook, i’m not saying that it’s right or wrong just that it is something i don’t quite get, (maybe i am just an old git and should get with the times? …meh) Maybe it is a valuable resource for today’s students, i don’t know, i personally believe though that if i was at school now then i certainly wouldn’t be texting or messaging on facebook.

It was cringey enough speaking face to face! 🙂

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On that note

Off for a brew…