This post was inspired by a youtube video i watched ages ago, i can’t remember the name of the youtuber but if i find the video again i’ll credit her.
So this post is about having kids…or not!
The reasons i thought i would touch on this subject:
- It goes hand in hand with another topic i would like to discuss in another post later.
- There is still a huge stigma that revolves around women that choose to live childfree and i feel it’s something that should be addressed.
- I feel the subject is important to me as i feel i may become part of those women that chose to live childfree.
Now first off let me just state for the record that i do not hate kids or anything like that!!! I have a godson and i am his number one fan however i am just not a maternal person. I have never at any point in my life felt that i would be a ‘mum’ or even thought about kids. It’s just the bog standard society progression thing isn’t it though? leave school, get job, get married, have kids…etc etc It’s like it is ingrained into you that you have to have kids.
My best mate has just recently had a baby herself (my godson) she is a few years younger than me and i know she will be an amazing mum. That got me thinking that as i am in my thirties (33) i am way passed the normal age for women to start having kids (i am probably not wording this correctly, i am not saying i am over the hill or anything like that just that a lot of women i know have already started their families, you know?)
A few of the girls i went to school with have kids of their own, in fact they have even started school themselves! One of the mums, her son has started high school! WTF???
I genuinely believe that i am going through a midlife crisis…one that started at 28…and has just not stopped!!! My ‘problem’ if you want to call it that is, i am (by nature) a young person, my soul, my heart, everything about me lives and breathes youth. By the time i am 60 i will still look at myself and believe i am young, i want to stay young as i love everything about it, i have nothing against ‘growing up’ it’s growing old that’s the problem.
So age wise aside what else is there? Ah yes lets make a list as lists are awesome!
- Having kids changes your life – I am going to be brutally honest here and i make no apologies for this. I am selfish. That’s it right there, i have my life the way i like it, i have a potential dream job coming soon, my hobbies include all sorts of awesome stuff such as Martial Arts, travelling, Munro bagging, plus others. If i were to have kids i would have to factor a few important things in: I can’t dedicate all my time to all the things that i want now, if i want to do my own thing then i would have to consider babysitters etc.You no longer live for yourself, you live for that little human being running around.
- Finances – Kiss them goodbye, all the stuff you spend money on now? (going out, your hobbies, passions etc) well that money is going to be used for kid stuff now! I am in that sort of average category with regard to finances, i am not poor by any means but also i am not loaded either!!!
- Maternal instinct – This…i have none of! Whilst the sight of a cute little baby is enough to raise a smile from me, it’s not enough to make me ‘broody’ or want to have one of my own. Worth mentioning that not everyone on earth is cut out to be a parent!
- Fear of pregnancy – Nuff said!
Then there are the usual cliched sayings, these are the things that folk/friends/family will say to you (normally not meant in a bad way but still comes across quite patronising by accident)…
‘You’ll change your mind in a few years’ – Possibly…i’m not going to stand here and claim that i can foresee the future by any means, but what i do know is what i know NOW. I know that i wasn’t ready in my twenties and i am now in my early thirties and still do not feel ready. Will i be ready in my late thirties/forties? That i do not know yet!
‘You’ll change your mind when you see all your friends settling down and having kids’ – Well i’m in my thirties, most (but not all!) of my school friends have settled down and have kids, my best mate now has a child…i still feel nothing! So that’s this argument invalid.
‘Wont you regret not having kids?’ – I have no idea!!! Like i said before i cannot tell the future, i only know what i know now and that is…i like my life as it is now, i don’t feel ready to be a mum yet, kids are not even on my list of priorities right now.
‘Don’t your parents want grandkids?’ – Yeah i imagine they would like grandchildren however i am not going to force a sprog out just to keep them happy. Thankfully my parents are more understanding and accepting than a lot of other parents. I know my mum and dad would love to have grandchildren to fuss over but i also know they would rather i lived my life how i want to live it and i should do whatever makes ME happy.
‘Wont you feel lonely?’ – I am an introvert by nature so i actually enjoy my own company. I would like to think that when i am older i will still be participating in all the hobbies and things i do now so i’ll always be in contact with friends and family. It’s also worth bearing in mind that even if i was to have children who’s to say that i wouldn’t still be alone? My potential future kids may decide to move to another part of the country or immigrate to the other side of the world…Hell they may even not want to keep in touch with their old ma and dad that often. So you see having kids doesn’t mean that they are always going to be around.
‘Who’s going to look after you when you are old?’ – Erm, well as long as i haven’t suffered any major health fuck ups in my later life then i would have to say…me! i will be looking after myself. Plus you don’t have children just so you have someone to look after you in old age, that’s a fucking ridiculous (and selfish) reason to have kids.
There are many more cliched sayings but you get the gist of it!
So what am i trying to say?
Well, i don’t know what the future holds for me.
I am 33 right now and i still feel no gravitational pull towards the parental side of life.
What if i meet someone in the future that wants kids? Well if i was to meet someone and i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with them, they were the one etc etc Then i would have to wait until that time happened, it would have to be an extraordinary person to make me want to go through all of that…
One thing i do believe is that women that choose to live childfree should not be judged and should be left alone to live how they want.
Right, time for a brew!